I'm not a budhist, but I admired Budha's philosophy. It teachs me a lot how to learn accepting the reality when it bites you. To be patient, to understanding the pain and suffering are part of our life. Pain and joy are just the spices of it, to make we appreciate more what we already have. How could we really know what we have unless we have experienced losing it. We don't appreciate what we have until we lose it. And when we realise and feel the pain of lossing, all we can do just regretting and feel sorry for it. Have you ever realise that everything we have now is not going to be ours forever. Even love, it comes and go. Leave a mark that may disappear but some are stay and turn out to be a scar. When we angry or disappointed, our emotion is grows nastily and likely make us forget that we deserved with that pain. Sometimes, we hurt people even when we don't realise or meant it. WIth our words, attitude or maybe just with our silent judgement. I never think about it before until i start my life with long waiting for unpredictable departure to a new path of my life.

Since I was graduated, I set up a goal for my life. I wanna work, have a good carreer, find my soulmate and start my own little world. But, apparently, since I came back from Australia, all those goals just dreaming list of my own. I do find a job but not my dreaming job. Just different job that enough to make me keep going. But I thanks for that, cause you never know how hard to find a job with good salary nowadays. About soulmate,hmmm...I'm not really sure about it anymore. I thought I found it already, but time and distance makes it so hard to make it smoothly. It's hard cause you having relationship with phone, internet and shadow, not the real person that you can touch and feel the closeness together. And I just forget the rest of my goals. Now, I don't wanna set up anything anymore. I just wanna live day by day, do whatI have to do and let my faith take me wherever it may go. I'm tired with the disappointments. I'm so sick with waiting for something that not sure. I just wanna drop all the burdens in my shoulder and take a rest. I don't believe on anything that looks so real but it's just too good to be true.

December almost finish, 2006 just couple weeks away. I already have some plans to finish the year. I'll be home few days before christmas, then I'll spend new year eve in here, Jakarta. Talking about Jakarta, this city isn't that bad. I already lived here just about almost 2 weeks.I don't have friend to hang out with yet, but I don't really care, really. I woke up in the morning, go to work, back home and enjoying the loneliness with big heart. I like being alone, away from my family and friends, and start a fresh life. I don't go out much, prefer stay in my room and sinking myself on the silent. I need it, to refresh my head and mind. I do miss my family, friends and everything I have in Surabaya. But, you know...nothing is last forever,rite. So, yeah...I'm doing okay here.

I kinda have a feeling that something big will happen the end of this year. Could be happiness or sadness, i dunno yet. But, I'm ready. If I have to lose something important in my life, it means it just not meant to be. When the time is right, I will get something in return. But, if i'll get something great, i will be so thankful. After all these years, like I said before, I don't care anymore. When love has to end after all the tears, suffers and sacrifices,what can I say. I do fight for it, but if it's not belong to me, it will gone anyway. But I believe, one day..all of this tears will not wasted for nothing. Well, maybe I just a dreamer, but who's cares. I just wanna be loved and live in peace. No more dramas for the love story. It's time to wrap it up, guys. Have a good day...