gOne rainy afternoon in my room. It's dark here, i didn't put the light on. Leave it dark and empty, but i can still see the outside from my window. I still can see the sky, the white sky. I always love the sky. The thunder just went loud, i covered my ear and hide under my blanket. On this rainy Monday afternoon, I can't stop wondering, what's going to happen if i surrender from this journey.I'm on my silent moment now. No work, no friends, no lover. Just me, alone in here. I'm not nagging about it, just telling myself. That in this lonely and quiet phase, I learnt a lot. When you are happy, you also have to ready to be sad. Cause life is like a rollercoaster. The higher you go, the lower you might fall.  Everything has a meaning. When you lost, don't give up that easily. Cause maybe you just being pull away from a disaster. There's must be another thing to return the tears that you wept. When your heart get bruised, don't wrap it with the bandage too tight. Let's yourself feel the pain, taste the bitter of the failure and keep that tears in your memory. One day, you might want to look at it again, so you will see..that there is a rainbow after the rain. I don't mean to be a smartass here, just wanna clear my head. On my Ramadhan mode, I tried to fix myself a bit. A step by step, a case by case and time after time. I've been so bitchy and arrogant with everything what i have. And now, when everything i've been proud of is taken away..I have nothing except myself. You know, when you are down and everybody around you suddenly became a huge fans of "Everything will be okay" ,the famous spirit words. They kept telling you that on and on again. For God sake, cut the crap out.
Of course everything will be okay, but am i going to be okay after that? Now..you can answer me that question. Am I going to be okay? Yeah,of course I will, but can anybody understand, I don't need that f****n pity looks in their eyes. That's why I tried to avoid people lately. I feel like I'm not in a "fun and cool" mood at the moment. I don't wanna hurt anybody, so I better sort it out by myself. I also feel like I'm not that nice and understanding girlfriend anymore. Didn't realise that when I talked with my boyfriend, I snapped and bit his head off. I'm not happy with it, even I have to admit that I miss him like hell.
So,here we go again..back to the beginning where I started this post. It's really quiet and dark Monday afternoon. I'm in my room, surrounding with thousand of me smiling on the pictures. And I don't feel like to look at it now. I wish I can turn back the time, to where those pictures been taken. Yeah, I wish...
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