I BELIEVE IN YOU
You don't remember me, but I remember you I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you But who can decide what they dream, and dream I do. I believe in you I'll give up everything just to find you I have to be with you To live, to breathe You're taking over me Have you forgotten all I know and all we had You saw me mourning my love for you and touched my hand I knew you loved me then ***
Today, someone reminds me of few lies that I did about a year ago. I did it to found out someone's feeling about me. I already said sorry and I thought it will be just fine after that. Never realise that today, that lies still come up between me and him. I remember this sentence," Forgotten But Not Forgiven." I should never lie to him, cause nothing he hide from me. Silly me. Just because one little curiousity, he would never trust me again. Yeah, as simple as that.
I'm so tired today. Still not fit yet, still need to take a rest. It's been raining since on the way back from work. I can't really concentrated on driving, my head was spinning. So, I stopped and park my car. I just stayed in the car and having my cigarettes. For a moment, I enjoyed myself on the silent, dark and rain. I know I felt so empty inside, but I have to hide it away. Pssssttt...nobody should know it. And believe it or not, I can smile on my tears. Gosh, I feel so lonely. After finishing my silent moment, I drove back home.
I think my mum kinda feels my sadness when I got back. Didn't talk much like usual, just straight to my room, took shower and turn on my PC. She came to my room, checking what I'm doing and suddenly said, "Any problem at work?Tired? Go to bed early, have a rest and tomorrow you will feel better." It's just her daily sentences to me, nothing's new. Almost everytime, every single night in the last 4 months she said it to me. But why, tonight it feel so different? Like she know what's inside my head and try to help me without asking the problem itself. Come on, I'm not that close with my mum. How come she know what's inside me head. Weird. By the way, tonight I want to make a deal with myself. No more begging for love, no more lying for love, no more crying for love and no more promising for love. Let's everything come and go in my life, leave their footprints on my mind and keep their memories alive in my heart. I will live for today, maybe for tomorrow, and hopefully I would never be lonely again until my time is up.
Good Night, let's forget what happenned today and be brave for tomorrow.
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I don't know what's going to happen next in my life. Am I going to get a better job? Could I be more patient when I get upset? May I meet my boyfriend again? Or can I be with him again?
